The 72 Japanese Microseasons of my Discontent - Part 14 : 処暑 Shosho (Manageable heat)

Okasan gave me this one just after I published the last installment. I hadn't expected anything new from her, as it was really too hot to work.

I call it 'Obon Girl'.

August 23–27綿柎開 Wata no hana shibe hiraku - Cotton flowers bloom

August 28–September 1天地始粛 Tenchi hajimete samushi - Heat starts to die down

September 2–7禾乃登 Kokumono sunawachi minoru - Rice ripens

Thursday, August 11th

Mountain Day - the only official national holiday of the Obon season. 'Mountain Day'. Really?

Dumb name.

The last one was 'Marine Day'. Americans might immediately think that it was a day set aside to honour jarheads, as opposed to all things nautical themed.

I suppose the point is to motivate people to go to the seaside or drive up to the mountains. They need the government to set aside a specific day, label it, and make it 'a thing', or they'll just sit at home and fiddle with their smart phones in perpetuity. As if wasn't already painfully obvious, the Japanese aren't the most imaginative people around. In any case, it's a stat for the salaried set...and a nice opportunity for a good chunk of the local population to go out and spread the latest COVID variants around their hometowns, and other sundry 'holiday destinations', near and far.

We can expect it to get up to 35C again today. At 11:00 am, it's already 33. Mina has the day off, and went to get her hair done before 9 am. I'll be hanging up the trainers until next week, in a bid to do a bit of rest and repair.

Barring any sudden bouts of illness, it'll be my last break until the year end holidays in December.

It looks like I'll be accompanying Mina out to her family's hometown in Shiga tomorrow morning, after all. While I'd initially planned on excusing myself from the Obon sutra chanting business with Mayumi, okasan and the Surly Sumo crew, a couple of days ago things suddenly became...complicated.

As I've mentioned in my last few dispatches, the pandemic situation over here just isn't letting up. Yesterday evening, the day's number of official positives for Aichi Prefecture came in at almost 19,000 - an all time high. A month and a half in to Japan's 7th wave of infections, these numbers show no indication of plateauing or peaking out any time soon. Hospitals in Aichi are being squeezed, and have exceeded 82% of their capacity to accommodate COVID patients. An increasing number of the slow cooking critical cases consist of the elderly, unvaccinated and/or people with underlying conditions.

Daily mortality rates are also climbing.

Through all of this, the men in grey over in Tokyo have done nothing. It appears that they're too pre-occupied with attempting to diffuse the latest dirty money scandals to be bothered with what's happening to 'the little people' on the ground. Moving forward, it seems sure that their emphasis will continue to be on doggedly pushing forward with 'social and economic activities', no matter what...though as a bit of a sidebar, it was mentioned that new 'bivalent' vaccines from Pfizer and Moderna would begin gradually start being introduced as early as mid - October (which likely means November or December).

Who would qualify, and in what order these 'Omicron - smart' shots would be administered also seems ambiguous, at best. Looking at Tokyo's previous track record, hopes are not particularly high.

All of this brings us back to the rather troubling matter of what Mayumi wants to see happen on Friday, after the chanting and grave visiting is done with. About a month ago, I told Mina that I was concerned that her sister would throw caution to the wind, and attempt to arrange some inappropriate group eating plan for after the formal ceremonies.

Ever since her husband's funeral two years ago, she's pulled the same stunt every time there's a ceremony, regardless of how bad the pandemic situation looks. For some mysterious reason, it doesn't seem to register with her that the most of the viral spread is happening either at home with infected family members, or at eating and drinking establishments.

In any case, we've had to go head-to-head with Mayumi over her well-intentioned, yet poorly conceived 'plans' every single time one of these ceremonies rolls around, until she finally capitulates and decides to order in catered food or bento boxes.

It's exhausting, and I'm always painted as the bad guy. The problematic gaijin that won't just shut up and go along with 'the group'.

I told Mina that if I didn't go with her, I could see her getting bulldozed into one of these stupid, high-risk eating arrangements, and quite possibly coming home with a nice dose of Omicron for us to wind down the remainder of the summer with.

She messaged her sister, and Mayumi replied that - considering the severity of the pandemic situation - her intention was to just drive out to Shiga, visit their father's grave, do the ceremony, and come right back. It seemed out of character for her to be so rational. Perhaps people CAN change?

She then announced that Surly Sumo Son, Fat Wife and their young charges would be coming along with her and okasan.

That gave me the perfect avenue out.

I told Mina that seeing as the Fat and Surlies would be tagging along, and there were no remote dining plans to worry about shielding her from, I'd excuse myself, and leave them to it. Mina called Mayumi, and told her that I'd decided to hang back this year, so she'd just drive over to her place early Friday morning, leave her car there, and hitch a ride out to Shiga in the minivan with them.

I wanted to relax and be OK with the whole thing... but in the back of my mind, I suspected that with me out of the picture, and the perpetually ravenous Fat and Surlies in tow, Mayumi might pull a flip-flop.

Which she did.

About a week later, she called Mina and announced that she was booking a group reservation for the family at a barbeque place in Yoro, on the way back to Aichi from Shiga Prefecture. This type of thing is fairly typical of Mayumi; so I can't say that it was a total surprise...but it's frustrating - even soul destroying - having to go through the same shit with her over and over again. The same arguments as last year...and the year before.

It's like one of those recurring nightmares that never resolves.

When Mina drove okasan back to her sister's place last Sunday evening, she told me that she'd speak to Mayumi about her sudden change in plans, and use me as an exit device if all else failed. She'd tell her sister that I had 'suddenly' changed my mind and decided that I wanted to come along for the ceremonies, but didn't think it was a good idea to do a barbeque party, so we would just excuse ourselves and head back to Nagoya after the formal stuff wrapped up.

Easy and simple.

Hopes were not high for a quick or easy resolution; but apparently Fat Wife chimed in on our side, echoing my own doubts about the wisdom of having this type of gathering at a public eating establishment with the virus spreading out of control, and vulnerable family members present. Mayumi listened, did a surprising about face, and decided that she would instead host a 'late lunch' over at their house in Gifu - if that was more acceptable to everyone.

Mina called and asked if I had any issues going to have lunch with everyone at Mayumi's place in Gifu, which I didn't and don't. She sounded noticeably relieved that everything had been amicably sorted. That was Sunday evening.

Tuesday evening Mina came in from work with a troubled look on her face.

"What's wrong?"

"I can't tell you."

I hate being baited, then blown off. She finally relented and told me that Mayumi had flip-flopped again, and was absolutely determined that EVERYONE go to the barbeque place in Yoro after Friday morning's business in Shiga. According to her sister, they had somehow 'over-looked' the fact that one of Surly Sumo Son's kids had to attend some school related function late Friday afternoon, so they couldn't do a lunch thing at the Gifu house and make it back to Nagoya on time.

I'm pretty sure the story was bullshit. It's the Obon holiday weekend. People do family stuff. Schools know this. It was clearly a case of Mayumi obstinately clinging to this Yoro barbeque place idea. She simply wouldn't let it go.

I wanted to start wringing my fists and screaming.

"Breathe in. Count to seven. Clear your mind. Breathe out"

I told Mina that the solution was an easy one. We'd simply excuse ourselves after the business in Shiga was finished. They could go ahead and go to Yoro, and we could drive back. Mina looked uncomfortable. Like she was being worked over, and pulled in different directions. Apparently it wasn't going to be that easy to politely decline her sister's invitation.

This time, Mayumi wasn't in the mood to take 'no' for an answer, and had resorted to pressuring/bullying her on the LINE messaging app to get her to accede.

It seemed that Mina was afraid to hold her position, and say 'no' to her sister. I really resented Mayumi for strong arming her. It seemed selfish and disrespectful. I chastised Mina for not having more resolve, and being 'weak'.

Mayumi's new angle was that the place in Yoro consisted of partitioned outdoor barbeque stalls, so it would be 'safe'. This is nonsense. As of Tuesday evening, the place was already half-booked. Friday is high Obon. It will be capacity. People have been getting infected at cook outs and barbeques for the last two summers running. When they test positive with a hacking cough and fever of 39C, they always chime in with, "Oh...I thought it was safe because we were outdoors."

Unbelievable.

Tired of being the villain in all of these situations, I finally decided that it was probably best if I opted out (again), and just let Mina drive out to Shiga with her sister's group, and do what Mayumi wanted.

I gave her a little speech something along the lines of,

"The day isn't about me. It's about your family, and the temple ceremony for your father and Mayumi's husband. It certainly isn't worth us fighting over. I was absent last year, and it made no difference. Mayumi's second son isn't going, either. For the sake of keeping the peace, maybe you'd better just suck it up, and ride out there with them on Friday morning like we originally planned. Go to the eating thing, as she wants. You're a nurse.You know the drill with all the safety stuff. Wear a mask, take your hand cleaner, social distance, and do your best. Hopefully, you'll be OK."

She said that she was going to think on it in the bath, and answer Mayumi's text messages later, when she'd made up her mind,

After dinner, she admitted that the barbeque party thing was making her feel uneasy as well, and that she didn't want to risk packing anything back here. She continued that 'if' she went, she'd just have another thing to worry and stress out over...and that it would ruin the remainder of her holidays. With that, she picked up her phone and composed a tight, succinctly worded message to her sister, thanking her for the kind lunch invitation - but saying that we'd have to decline this time around.

The back and forth continued for awhile, and Mayumi persisted - trying different angles.

"Why don't you guys just follow us out there and have a look at the place before you decide"... and so on.

Mina stuck to her guns, with a succession of short and polite, 'Not this time; but thanks so much for you kind invitation' type responses. Mayumi finally gave in. I know how hard this was on her, and really respect how she stood her ground. Her sister is obstinate, and doesn't take 'no' for an answer. She's also a bit of a bully...a trait that seems to run through three generations of that family.

I feel terrible for calling Mina 'weak'. I was almost certainly projecting my anger with Mayumi, and over-stepped. My wife is one of the strongest people I've ever met.

Vulnerability isn't weakness.

Many of us have family members - siblings, parents, and even spouses - who attempt to assert their positions by employing bully tactics or cruel and belittling language. Sometimes it comes in the form of unsolicited advice, or 'casual observation'. Called out on it, the offending party will inevitably attempt to gaslight their way out of taking any responsibility, by claiming that they're trying to 'help us'. In reality, they're just grinding us down in an attempt to realize their own shallow, self-serving objectives. The perpetrator(s) often consider the commentary in question clever, 'ironic', or even humorous. We are then further ridiculed for being 'over-sensitive', or not 'getting it'.

I have a parent who would do this type of thing on a regular basis. It's petty and mean. It also does real, lasting damage.

It's scary when we catch ourselves acting out the least attractive qualities of our parents. I made a point of apologizing to Mina when I'd realized what an ass I'd been. She was gracious enough to accept.

Thursday, August 18th

After all the stress and drama, last week's Obon business went down without a hitch.

We left just after 8 am on Friday morning, stopped at a McDonald's drive-thru to pick up some breakfast stuff, and were on the highway before 8:30. The rain that was forecast never materialized, and traffic was light. Around 9:15, Mayumi rang and announced that she was already at the Sekigahara Interchange - about 25 minutes out from our endpoint objective, in rural Shiga. She mildly harangued Mina for being 'late' (though we were running exactly on schedule), which Mina attributed to 'Shaun-kun' needing to stop at McDonald's on the way. Fair enough. If I could be of any use at all, it would be to take the heat off of Mina for whatever her sister wanted bitch about.

Mayumi could go ahead and blame me. Crow to all the fatties in her minivan about 'the troublemaking gaijin' needing Mina to stop at McDonald's - - -

"...that's the reason my sister's not here yet, and you guys have to carry buckets of water from the spigot and wash off the headstone and grave plot at the cemetery, instead of sitting on your fat arses in the van eating snacks and watching cartoons...the 'gaijin' needed an Egg McMuffin", and so on.

Fine with me.

When we got there it started to rain lightly. The fatties were all sealed up in Mayumi's minivan watching anime. We pulled in, got out of the van, ran across to the cemetery plots, picked our way through to Mina's father's headstone altar, and stood there with our heads bowed, clutching our prayer bead bracelets.

After about a minute, Mina opened her eyes, raised her head, and snatched up the package of cakes that her sister had placed on the altar as an offering. We left the small white candles on either side of the fresh flowers burning, bade the spirit of her father farewell, and navigated our way back through the maze of granite headstone altars back to the small parking area. Mayumi was waiting, standing outside of the 'fatty van'. We passed her the package of cakes, got into our respective vehicles, and convoyed over to the dickhead priest's temple - just across a narrow creek bridge, about five minutes away.

The rural setting is picture postcard stunning...the tiny village of Kajiya straddles the east bank of a narrow winding creek in a small valley between two verdant hillsides, about twenty minutes drive from central Nagahama. The site of her family home has been totally cleared. There's not a trace of the house, shed or garage that her father and his father before him had built over the course of almost a century. As the local population continues to dwindle, I wonder much longer the village will last?

We pulled into the granite pebble parking area in front of the small temple complex. The dickhead priest's array of expensive European cars appeared to have been parked out of sight. His elderly mother-in-law was puttering around tending to some plants when we got out of the car. Okasan came around the side of our van, grasped my hand and thanked me for deciding to come. Fat wife greeted us with a slight bow and muted 'Konnichiwa'. Surly Sumo Son and his two young charges, Little Bully Boy and Another Man's Son, said nothing, and we all did our level best to completely ignore each other.

When kids are stand-offish, it's usually a reflection of their parent's attitudes toward the party in question. They hear the talk around the table, and adjust their attitudes accordingly. It was like that when I was growing up, too. My Mum had it in for almost everyone...but at the very top of her shit-list was her older sister, and the abusive shithead nonce she'd married. Next up was her philandering, creepo used car salesman brother, and his fat, shit eating second wife. My younger siblings and I heard all the stories, and hated the lot of them by default. As a result, we were cold and unfriendly little shits to everyone in the family except for Gramma, who'd always tell us that we should, 'try to find something good in everyone'...to which we'd just roll our eyes and make gagging gestures.

I think that made Mum proud. That was about as unified as we ever got.

Anyways, natural shyness aside, when kids blow me off I know where it's coming from. Ninety percent of the time, it's because of stuff they pick up at home. I've worked with Japanese children for over thirty years, and have a sense of how they connect with people under normal circumstances. I knew Mme Lord Vader's oldest sister's daughter from the age of two until she was in middle school, and she was always a stand-offish little cunt. This was no doubt a product of her parent's negative opinion of me, which always hovered just beneath their surface politeness, and all of the shallow lip service platitudes that lubricated our daily interactions back in the day.

In Japan (as everywhere), kids and dogs are a good barometer by which to measure where you really stand with people.

The ceremony and chanting business lasted for around 40 minutes, after which I helped okasan down the front stairs of the temple, and out toward the fatties van. Mina took her aside and mentioned that we were heading back to Nagoya, and asked her if she was planning on joining the fatties for their barbeque. I had cautioned her against putting the old lady in an uncomfortable spot and making her choose between factions; but fortunately okasan had made up her mind that she was going where the getting was best, and riding with the fatties out to Yoro for the feeding.

COVID be damned!

Everyone loaded into their respective vehicles, and we convoyed out, across the creek bridge and east down the narrow road for a shot. Mayumi pulled over just in front of us, got out and passed a small box of fruit to Mina from the rear hatch of her van. Some grapes, a pineapple, a plum, a peach and some mini donuts. Our share of the offerings they'd taken to the temple for the ceremony. With that, she waved good-bye, and off they went. I was relieved that there were no further attempts to sell us on the lunch plan. It was hard to tell whether she was still annoyed or not.

We drove back to Nagoya, and were home by 1:30 pm. Okasan called Mina in the early evening, after they got home. She was on about 'poor Mayumi', and how hard she'd worked at the barbeque place feeding all of the fatties, with nary a chance to eat much of anything herself. She also complained a bit about the place being 'too smoky', and that was it. No word on the crowd situation, or anything of that nature. She'd be off to Gifu with Mayumi in the morning, and they'd take advantage of her extended holidays, and stay until Wednesday. This meant that Mina would have to cancel the old lady's Tuesday medical check-ups, pick up her prescriptions, then go out to Mayumi's place after work on Wednesday evening, and help okasan set up all of her pills for the next two weeks.

We had a peaceful long weekend. The rain that was promised never amounted anything substantial, and we even managed to get out on the bikes for bit.

Of course, Monday rolled around all too soon, and while a lot of people seemed to be off until Thursday, that was it for our Obon. For me, it was back on the scorching canal course, then an afternoon of laundry and sundry housework. For Mina it was a complete shitshow...another team member down with COVID, her boss a no-show, and someone else on holiday. They had to bring in some fill-in nurses to pick up the slack, but no one knew what to do, which made things even worse. She looked completely exhausted when she got home.

Tuesday evening okasan called to inform Mina that she wanted to cancel coming out to our place on the weekend, and go back to Gifu with Mayumi, instead. The old lady enjoys the level of service she gets up there. Without anyone else vying for Mayumi's attention, she can be waited on hand and foot. Okasan likes to go where the getting is best.

Mina called Mayumi and told her that was fine; but we had plans for the following weekend, so this would have to be a cancel, with no 'do-overs'; but that we'd mind mother the first and third weekends of September, as per our original schedule. She said 'fine'.

Lucky for us.

We did the switch around twice this summer already, and both times we got stuck minding the moody little troll two consecutive weekends in row, which damn near killed us. Those were 'special cases', as she had 'special plans' to visit with her falling apart older sisters. This time around, she just wants to go where the getting is better. Temporarily cured of the itchy, painful skin problems that had been plaguing her since last summer, she doesn't need Mina's service, and prefers the luxuries of the Gifu house, to our humble danchii apartment. Fine with us; but if we cave and let her cancel and shift her days around as she likes, she'll expect to be able to do it all the time, and we'll be double fucked...hence, a 'cancel' is a 'cancel'.

Boundaries.

Wednesday evening Ms. Ashtray Face Lady called Mina just before we were going to sit down to dinner. I was supposed ride over to the Horita danchii and do a re-scheduled class for her scrappin' junior high school age son and daughter at 11:00 am today. The original class had been shifted from two weeks earlier as the girl had been identified as a COVID deep contact after going out to USJ in Osaka with her friends in the beginning of August.

Now it seems that Ms. Ashtray Face Lady is infected, and has farmed the scrappin' siblings out to their estranged father's place until she recovers. According to Mina, she said was diagnosed on August 12th; but six days in, was still running a fever and feeling shitty. She cancelled this morning, and said that she hoped all would be back to normal by their next class, on the 27th.

Fifteen days out from diagnosis, she should be fine. Or not. I don't think she ever bothered with the vaccine from the get-go. She's 51, a heavy smoker, and not the world's healthiest individual.

Fingers crossed that she turns the corner and is alright.

It's a week after Mayumi's Yoro group eating gambit, and everyone seems alright. This is a huge relief. At least, we haven't heard of anyone over there coming down with a fever or testing positive. Another bullet dodged, and I suppose some vindication for Mina's sister. She did it her way, and came out on top. Mayumi - 1, Paranoid Gaijin Service Dog - 0.

It feels so good to be right.

I hope they savour it.

Easing toward Shosho (Manageable heat), and I've only really noticed the temperature starting to ramp down ever so slightly over the last couple of days. This morning at 5:00 am it was 23C, as opposed to 27. This afternoon it got up to 35C again...but the daytime highs are supposed to settle into the low 30's by next week - which is about normal for this time of year. We're definitely slowly moving towards autumn, which is depressing. I can handle the heat and sunshine.

The cold and dark - not so much.

Assuming nothing else of note comes rolling down the pipes over the next few days, that's where we'll leave it for now.

I'll be back in a couple of weeks to fill in the blanks. We'll be back on our regular work and old lady minding schedules, our new TV will hopefully be up and running, and it'll be time for another round of chanting and awkward unagi eating as we observe the second anniversary of Mayumi's husband's passing.

So, until next we meet, you'd do well to remember that...

"No matter where you go, there you are".

There, and nowhere else.